Monday, October 11, 2010

There's a lot you can learn from even bad experiences

The most amazing thing happened.  I woke up this morning and felt like my old self.  I didn't feel sore or tired.  I had lots of energy.  It was such a nice change.  I got lots of things done around the house. 
   I just kept thinking what a bummer it was to feel so good, knowing that I had a spinal tap coming up.  I sort of wanted to jump in my car and drive myself to Vegas (or somewhere far away from the hospital anyway) :)
   So, at 1:00 Lar came home and picked me up for my appt.  We had the spinal tap scheduled at 2:00 and then I had an consult with the surgeon scheduled at 4:00 to try to set up my surgery.
  Here's how the spinal tap went:  I went back into the room and the radiologist came in.  He had me lay on my stomach on a "floating" kind of hospital bed.  Larry was able to stay in with me the whole time.  I truly anticipated the procedure to be a 10 out of 10 on the horrific scale (even the lady who checked us in and asked what I was being seen for cringed and said "ooohh, that sounds painful" when I told her I was there for a spinal tap)  (You can admit it, you cringed too) (but isn't it her job to not say that?? :)
  Anyway, the next part was the "numbing" park.  It felt like a couple little bee stings in my lower back.  And then I just held on to Lar's hand as tight as I could waiting for the horrible pain I knew was coming.  But it never really came.  It was a little uncomfortable at best.  The worst part was waiting to get enough spinal fluid.  They wait for it to naturally drip out, which is where the floating table comes in.  The adjust the table to kind of tilt your body so gravity takes over.  You may, or may not have ever wanted to know this but...did you know that your spinal fluid is crystal clear.  Like water.  The doctor filled up 4 vials, and I thought they were empty, but then he explained how clear the fluid is.  Hmmmm.  Who knew? 
    Then at the end, he put some "chemo" drugs back into my spine.  He said if there were any microscopic cancer cells that that would kill them.  So I guess I officially had my first chemo treatment today.  Whew!  Glad that's over!  I would say that whole procedure ended up being a 6.5 on the horrific scale.  Larry may disagree with me since it took 30 minutes for the circulation to return to his hand.  ;)
  After the spinal tap I had to lay flat on my back in recovery for 30 minutes to make sure I didn't get a "spinal headache".  Then we were off to our next appt.
   I was glad the surgeon could get me in so quickly for a consult.  I had planned on telling him how I needed to have the surgery this week because I absolutely have to stay on schedule to be done by Christmas and yaddy-yadda-yadda.  I was just gonna tell him.
  So he came in, talked for 2 minutes about the surgery and then said "Do you want to do it tomorrow at 7am?"  And I said "I'll have to check my schedule!"  j/k
  Just kidding about the check my schedule part!  I'm going in tomorrow at 6am to have the surgery at 7am. 
He said it would be about a 2 hour surgery.  And then it will take about a week to get the results back.  That would put me having chemo starting next week if we stay right on schedule.  Oh wait, I mean having MORE
chemo...remember I already got the first one over with today! 

Talking to my friend tonight, she asked me if I ever get mad or feel bad and I told her that I usually only allow myself a day to feel bad because it takes a lot of energy to have those feelings (mad, sad, scared etc).  And having those feelings doesn't change my situation.  So instead, I reserve my energy for having fun with my family and for thinking of things I can personally gain from this experience.  As it turns out, there's a lot you can learn from even bad experiences.  And the truth is, no matter what your situation is, could always be worse.  People go through things way harder than I do every single day.  When I look at it that way, I realize...I am blessed.

PS:  Every thought and prayer sent my way has been felt and truly appreciated!  ~♥~

1 comment:

  1. Jen....

    it's Becky Fife... Michelle's friend. :) She sent me your link.. so I had to come on, and give you my love and tell you that I am praying for you, and thinking of you every day. Any friend of Michelle's is a friend of mine! She loves you dearly... and I know you love her too.

    Anyway... just wanted to say, I think you're amazing... and I am sending good vibes your way. :) You are a champ!