Thursday, September 30, 2010

I can do hard things

So, I had resigned myself to the idea of having Treanda as my chemotherapy.  I was sort of OK with that idea.  But I had emailed my oncologist from Stanford, and she emailed me back and said she would call me.  It's so amazing to me that a doctor I haven't seen in 2 years would call and chat over the phone (for free) about my health.  My hubby says she is the type of person that went into the medical field to "help people".  I would have to agree.

So, she called me yesterday and here's how that went:

ME:  Hi, Dr Fan.  What are your thoughts on my having chemo right now?
DR FAN:  Yes, I think with the symptoms your showing, it is time to start treatment
ME:  What is your opinion on Treanda?
DR FAN:  There is no long term study done for Bendamustine (Treanda), and it has a possibility of causing Leukemia in the future.  Even though there's a  big draw to Treanda (not loosing your hair), I would like you to have R-CVP chemo.
ME:  Oh,    hmmmm   (thinking to myself: CRAP)
DR FAN:  I will call your oncologist in Colorado and talk to her, but I think that is definitely what we need to start with.
ME:  (kinda scared voice)  You really think I need to start chemo right now?
DR FAN:  Yes I do.

When I hung up the phone, 6 or 7 swear words immediately popped into my head (I may have said one or two out loud).  As I started to contemplate this decision of what to do, my older brother called and gave it to me plain and simple.  He said  " I would much rather have no hair than Leukemia, Duh!"  So there you go.  I guess I'm going to have R-CVP.  Not sure what that is???  GOOGLE it! :)  I did!

On a totally different note:  I need to just say:

MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ROCK THE PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have some of the most amazing people in my life.  I just do.  So, as I'm scared out of mind to go through chemotherapy, I will do it.  I have a lot to live for.  It doesn't make my any less scared, but having the support around me just makes it possible for me to move my feet forward.

I've been reading a blog of a young mom in Idaho that tragically lost her little 18 month old daughter in a drowning accident.  Now, cancer is scary...but that, my friends is something I don't think I could go through. I can't imagine enduring the loss of a child.  Let alone with as much faith and grace as SHE did, and does.

On her blog, I have to blog-lift a couple of things that really touched me.  They apply not only to me, but to every single one of us.  And they are things that should be thought of as we all go through whatever trials we may have.  The first one is a saying.  She tells herself:

" I can do hard things"  

We can.  We're all equipped spiritually to endure hard things.

And the other is a quote from the scriptures:

Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-9

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

Whenever I have a friend offer to help, I think of this scripture.   I feel the peace unto my soul.  I know that while I endure this trial in my life, my family will be well cared for, in fact, (knowing my family & friends) they'll be completely spoiled!  


  1. Oh Jen! I'm praying hard!! BTW--I totally read that whole blog you referred to. I read it on Labor Day and it REALLY affected me--especially the part that said, "I can do hard things!" That has been my motto, and it is so true of all of us. I think we all underestimate ourselves. I love you!

  2. I want to write something so bad, but I don't even know what to say or how to say it. Hard things really suck. But you already know that. I just admire you more than you will ever know for your incredible strength in adversity, and for your ability to inspire others even in the face of it. I miss you. You will be in my prayers.