OK, so it's not really a pain, as much as it's a lump. I've had a small lump under my collar bone for a little while. It's a lymph node that's enlarged (most of my lymph nodes throughout my body are enlarged) that's what Lymphoma is. This specific lymph node has been very tiny, although it has been showing up on my CAT scans for a while. The problem is, this little lymph node...not so small anymore.
I called my oncologist to let her know I've noticed a lot of growth in this lymph node and she said exactly what I thought she would say....She said to come in and have it checked out.
Now, I've gotten the feeling my dr has wanted me to start chemotherapy for a little while. But I just haven't felt like it's time. I don't really feel sick. In fact I kind of laugh inside when I think I have stage 4 cancer. Did I just say I laugh about having cancer?? Well, not a ha, ha so funny kind of laugh..more of a Wow, really?? kind if laugh. I think the A#1 symptom I have from cancer is.....being very, very tired. Not all the time, but some of the time.
Anyway, back to the treatment. I personally would like to have a round of Rituxin before I start chemotherapy. Rituxin is a regiment started at Stanford University. It is a treatment that is a lot easier on your system. And you don't have the side effect I'm seriously afraid of...loosing my hair. Weird huh? I'm scared of the poison in my system and what permanent damage that will cause also, but I'm really scared of loosing my hair. I'm not totally attached to my hair. I change the style and color frequently. I don't love how thick and partially curly my hair is because it can be hard to maintain. But that doesn't mean I want to be totally without hair. It scares me!
Well, since there is now a bee on my shoulder (my 2 year old in her Halloween costume) I'd better get back to parenting. This is me...Buzzzzzzing off ...................